I've tried to be as regular as possible in the runs in preparation of the against cancer run in July. Somehow, with the numbness in my lower body, I sometimes wonder if I'll collapse anytime in the park.
My shoulder ache has returned and I fear a relapse.
I'm not sure if there is any relation in my ache with the cancer but I'm pretty sure my body has recently feels funny and different during chemo. It might be the radiation which aggravates the shoulder ache; it might be many other reasons out there.
Occasionally, I feel pains in my chest but they are so brief that I choose to ignore them. I'm not exactly very happy with life currently but I'm not exactly depressed.
Life now is surreal.
Many times, I drift in and out of dreams and I spend time waking to decide if I'm in the cancer life or the perfect life in my dreams.
Last night I was watching this video. It made me tear, it made me cherish this wretched life because there is so many other cancer patients who didn't had the privilege to enjoy. And, I thought of Linda, and I feel ashamed to be living this life in such a manner.
But it really isn't easy. Just like the run, it's not easy for me to train like a normal person.
I don't usually say things are difficult because I don't like to fail a challenge.
This time round this run is indeed, hard.
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