往事不堪

星期一我完成了最后一次的放射性治疗。

我应该是感到如释重放吧。虽然，开心地向治疗师道别，但我心里有奇怪的感觉。我算走过来了吗？我在forum 上看到这一段：

"And now, having endured surgeries and side effects and weekly monitoring, I can, with my last regular treatment mere weeks away, begin preparing for the rest of my life. Yet when my friends ask what we’re doing to celebrate, when they high-five me and ask, hopefully, “So now it’s over, right?” I don’t know what to tell them. I don’t know how to explain why I don’t feel yet like partying.

That’s why it’s bittersweet to move on to the next part. “I think there’s a huge rush of the tide to get you back as though nothing happened. To reassemble the picture that you had before,” says Anne. “People think that must be what you want, you must want to forget this. The big mistake is that it’s forgettable. Or that there’s an end to it. There’s no end to it.” And as Martha says, “The doctors will say, ‘Oh, you’re good. Go enjoy your life.’ But you don’t stop having had cancer once treatment is over."

情何以堪。复原，谈何容易。
可以假装什么都没发生过，照常生活？

*****

这一天治疗师还我我的mask，用来固定的。他们说有些人觉得bundang不会带回家，不过我是能带走的。我想带回来给大家看，再丢掉。整个放射性治疗要6千多呢。

很像艺术品hor。