Friday, February 28, 2014

2 years

“Hi I realised I am eligible to claim Medisave for this CT scan."
"You need to go to your doctor to get the form." she sounded a little annoyed from my statement.

I went over to the Haematology centre to retrieve the Medisave form and went back to the counter to register for my CT scan in 10 min.

"Where did u go to get the form?" she was less irate.
"Haematology Centre, block 7." I smiled, trying to stay as calm as i could though my scan is schedule at 9.10AM but it was already 9AM.

"You have cancer?"
"Yes."
"What cancer?"

I've not say this word for quite a while. Work, school, dates, lesser people are asking about my cancer and things just moved on since 2 years ago when my world crumbled.

"Lymphoma. Cancer of the blood."

There was this change in the air, she was no longer annoyed and the crease between her brows was ironed out. She spoke to me in a slightly cheery and sympathetic way.

"Are you schooling?" she avoided my eyes and continued with the paper work.
"Started working not long ago."

She sounded really curious about me but didn't know how to keep the conversation going. I would love to tell her I'm working, I'm studying, I'm dating, but my scan was in 5 minutes.

"Are u feeling sick?"
"Yes? Erm, sometimes?"
"Oh no, just asking, you looked pale."

I gave her a really weak smile, the nurses must be expecting me already.

"You know, you looked really pretty, u could use some lipstick, not too red. You will look very pretty."
"Ohhh, haha, yes I think i should! I always look pale."
"Yes, you don't put makeup don't you. A little lipstick will camouflage."

I tried to look at the glass door behind me. Maybe, my hair looked evenly curled today.

"ok dear, here you go. You are really pretty. Take care ok?"
"Yes. Thank you."

I get that a lot when I was in the hospital. I remember this Singaporean nurse who sit behind me and combed my long wavy hair back then before i started chemotherapy. She combed it gently and whispered to herself, or maybe to me, "this will have to go, you got to cut it much shorter."

Many such incidents happens in the hospital when they realised they are handling a young cancer patient.

Maybe they thought we will die anytime, and it was really a pity.


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