This is Me.

Saw this sentence on the board:

"While cancer shouldn't define me, it remains an undeniable part of who I have become."

When it comes to relationship, some friends noticed my insecurities and reluctance to move into one. And when I declined a nice person previously just after my treatment, my best friend actually tell me I shouldn't decline with the reason for being sick.

Come on, it's such a big part of me and i just think it was indeed part of the reason!

Though the other half of the reason was because I didn't feel the spark, it made me come to understand that I cannot vanquish this part of myself. It will always be part of me and i don't think mentioning cancer is an excuse, it's a right that come with me after all those torture.

I demand it a right.

Though i'm kinda anti-marriage, i value a lot when it comes to love between two individual. It is a very remarkable deal when two separate individuals come together by an unnamed attraction and stay by each other through  thick and thin.

And it's normal for every single one to desire love and affection.

Before the big C strikes me, I already doesn't believe in marriage, but after cancer left, i see love and relationship from another light. Love and relationships can never be simple for cancer patients and survivors, while many obstacles stand in the way in many relationships, ours will always be shadowed by the ominous uncertainty of death. It is stressful and complicated, not easy to deal with.

Then again, who doesn't hope that there will always be someone special who is willing to hold your hands to brave the uncertainty?

Not many can and have the capacity to love a cancer patient, and we are absolutely fine with that because many times we hated that part of ourselves too.

So, who's up?