#10

再多5天，要化疗了。

今天我弹了快一个小时的吉他。还蛮累的，我的手臂其实得换个位置，要不然卡到我的管子会痛呢。好久好久没有弹了，萦绕心头的是Vincent。不过，在这之前，我弹了十首很简单的etude。其实是 F. Sor 的25 Progressive Etudes Op. 60。 25首，越弹越难，在第11首停止了。

弹着Vincent，脑海里跟着唱。忽然，歌词的几个部分让我很感慨。

How you suffered for your sanity.

How you tried to set them free.

They would not listen.

They are not listening still, 

perhaps they never will. 

Vincent, 

This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.

他有多么孤独。谁能体会。

其实，掠过我脑海的是我患病前的一切。我认为失去很多机会，我曾痛恨人生在23年的奋斗后，失去我一直努力的自由。我努力地长大，或许憧憬着一副美丽的人生，一个我有掌控的人生。我完美地结束大学生涯，快乐地毕业旅行，尝试了浮潜、几乎学会了游泳。在22岁，父母亲竟然买了一把五千块的吉他，我还坚持如果会嫁，那就当作我的嫁妆。我开心地写作，也受到认同。自由生活的我，可以在心血来潮时，逛唱片行、书店、Haji Lane、和朋友小酌。如果当上记者，或许在外头跑很累，却很庆幸自己看到的比别人多。或许世界不是美丽的，可是我却有力量和能力作点什么。

自由的我，可以为家里付出得更多。或许，拥有经济能力还可以助养非洲的小孩、在红十字会帮忙。那天我的first aider license 会派得上用场。

他们说，抓得越紧的东西更容易失去。可能，我握紧了。

也溜走了。

They would not listen.

They are not listening still, 

perhaps they never will. 

再次为23年的自由努力，我或许已经太累了。

*****

Mushrooms are great source of protein, some are even anti-oxidants. They are also versatile ingredients, sometimes being the main course, sometimes a side dish. I run out of vegetables today and decided to replace with mushrooms. 

Shitake is the most common ones. Fresh button mushrooms and portebello have a more intense flavour, some even say they taste like meat. The easiest way to prepare mushrooms is to sautee them. Simply remove the stem and slice up the cap. Or, you can even leave everything and pop them into the oven with some black, salt and olive oil. 

If time is not on your side, slice some mushrooms sautee them in the pan with black pepper, salt and olive oil. Eat them just like that or top it on a piece of toasted ciabatta.  Add some sliced tomato too. But, chemo patients can't eat raw vegetables, so there goes our salad. :(